When driving a car into a ditch gives way to a Gigantic Explosion: A 1980s action films examination

Why do guys just love car chases, explosions, and fight scenes? It's mindless fun. We want to be the main character. I wouldn't mind being a secret agent or some martial arts bad ass and laying a bunch of hot babes. And to most married men, it's an escape from a particular lifestyle.

So what about the 80s action stars? Well, today they are either direct to video stars(see: Steven Seagal, Van Damme) or they are some still making it big due to the current mini resurgence of mindless action. Sylvester Stallone released "Rocky Balboa" and "Rambo" recently and they were both solid films. Granted, Stallone puts a little more thought into his action films than say the sumo, Seagal. His upcoming movie, "Expendables" is made to be an 80s action flick. How cool is that?


My favorite action star is Jean Claude Van Damme. Here's why. Well, here's a few reasons(These are not in order):
1. He can do a 360 roundhouse kick 35 feet in the air. Only 2 people on the planet can do this: Van Damme and myself.
2. He can do the splits
3. He's a talented martial artist. He's been through a lot physically though. Have you seen a recent pic of him? It's the result of too many action films.......Well, the real reason was that he used to be a coke addict. You know, they should have Van Damme tour the country and tell kids that his face is the result of years of boozing and coking it. I'm being to harsh on the guy....but it's too late now...... I'm too lazy to hit the delete button.
4. Also, he seems like a nice, genuine guy.

*Can he act? Ok, no ones perfect.

Moving on. The leader of the 80s action stars is unquestionably Arnold Swarzenegger. Terminator, Commando, Conan, Running Man, Predator, and the totally awesome Twins are all films to his credit in the decade of MTV, Miami Vice, MJ, and Madonna.
Who doesn't want to see a muscle bound, steroid using dude plow down enemy after enemy in interesting ways? Think about the similarities between a slasher horror film and a stereotypical action film. They both try to show audiences creative ways to kill people. One of the coolest things about the flare in 80s action films are when ridiculous one liners are said before or after someone is shot or killed.

Example:

Cooke: You scared, motherfucker? Well, you should be, because this Green Beret is going to kick your big ass!
Matrix: I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now, I'm very hungry!


Anyways, back to my point. We all(men) want to be the one who overcomes much adversity and challenges to save the day while taking time to look cool and catch up with the ladies.

Keep the mindless action coming......

(Below is Van Damme gone blind which is right before he remembers he can beat someone up while blind. No, he's not constipated).